


Looking Up

by pencilguin



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Established Relationship, Height Differences, M/M, or lack thereof, ruminating on past relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 21:44:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21381064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pencilguin/pseuds/pencilguin
Summary: Hugh and Paul are about to move and busy packing their things, when Hugh comes across an old box of Paul’s that makes him think.
Relationships: Hugh Culber/Paul Stamets
Comments: 9
Kudos: 58





	Looking Up

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [@Cygfa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cygfa) for the inspiration and for beta reading!

While he’s helping Paul pack up all of his things so they can move in together, Hugh comes across a box. It’s made of sturdy cardboard, not looking worn but noticeably older. It looks like the kind of box that old photographs were traditionally stored in. Hugh doesn’t want to be a sneak, even though Paul stressed that none of his stuff is off limits, that he’s just grateful to Hugh for helping him move it at all. He opens the lid to check its contents.

It is, indeed, a collection of photographs, along with a few letters and other paper memorabilia. Even aside from his fondness for physical manifestations of sentimental items, Hugh can’t help being impressed with Paul’s ever meticulous organization: Index cards, labeled in his clean and poignant handwriting, separate the items into categories… grouped by first names, sorted by years.

Some of them ring a bell, names that came up in passing in past conversations. It doesn’t take long for Hugh to realize that what he’s stumbled upon here is a box of pictures of Paul’s exes.

His heart stutters a little, mixing emotions filling his chest. There’s no card labeled “Hugh” in here; this is definitively something different — things of the past. They are the present now, Paul and Hugh. _And this is a perfectly normal and healthy thing_, Hugh reminds himself. It’s not Paul’s fault that too many of Hugh’s past relationships ended so badly that his heart hurt for years even from just thinking about them again. Hugh doesn’t have a box like that, neither in physical nor emotional form. Not even buried in the furthest corner of his closet, like Paul’s was. He tells himself that different things work for different people.

After a few moments of collecting himself, his curiosity wins out. After all, here is a whole treasure trove full of Paul in different stages of his life, stages that Hugh never got the chance to meet. He pulls out a few of them.

_Anton._ — Prom photos. A holiday somewhere at the coast, together with some other friends.

_Nikolai._ — That one’s interesting. Pictures of two boys playing around in a sandbox, and working together on an amateur science project at a school fair, similarly pale and blond that Hugh would’ve thought them to be brothers if he didn’t know better. Then later pictures, from high school, their hands and faces covered in dirt or soot or something else from a questionable experiment gone wrong, but clearly having the time of their lives. Hugh frowns, until he finds a little stack from a few years later: Giddy cheek kisses, dancing at a party, something beyond the previous platonic childhood friends. The frown turns into a smile.

_Katie._ — _Huh?_ Well, Hugh’s not gonna judge.

_Eren._ — Definitely a different location. And an abundance of terrible hairstyles. Still, Paul manages to look cute in spite of his, and in spite of desperately trying to look cool.

_Pitch (Paul 2)._ — Hugh frowns. He remembers the words of his great-aunt, from many, many years ago. “Never date anyone with the same first name as you.” There must have been some truth to her words, considering how the relationship didn’t last more than a year, judging by the single date written on the index card, and the few photos in the section. And the other Paul couldn’t be a more polar opposite. Tanned, smug, looking like some businessman. Hugh recoils a little, taking a moment to question Paul’s taste. Then he shrugs. _Maybe it was a rebound thing._

_Hideo._ — Here’s a name Hugh recognizes. Probably the longest relationship documented in the box. Paul looks so happy in these pictures. Hugh smiles, but at the same time he wonders what it is that makes his heart ache at the sight. Regret? That this wasn’t with him? He thinks it better not to dwell on that question.

There’s one thing he notices, though, looking through this chronicle of an aspect of Paul’s life: All of them are taller than Paul, usually at least about one head. _Curious._ Of course, Paul’s not exactly on the tall side, but he never struck Hugh as particularly short. Then again, Hugh might be biased there, what with him being just about the same height.

He wonders about his discovery. Were these conscious choices? Or just a funny coincidence? For the first time in a while, Hugh wonders if he falls short of Paul’s expectations, if Paul’s type is taller than him, usually. It seems silly how he’s starting to feel self-conscious all of a sudden, but here he is.

“Hugh?” It’s Paul, standing in the door. He looks down curiously at Hugh sitting on the floor, the open box in front of him and pictures in his hand. Hugh assumes that he’s asked him a question from the next room, or from the hallway, and got suspicious when Hugh didn’t respond.

“Sorry,” he says with an apologetic smile. “I got distracted for a moment.”

Paul’s eyes fall on the pictures, and recognition dawns on his face. He blushes a little.

“Those, huh? I, uh…” There’s something self-conscious in his voice, almost embarrassed.

“It’s okay,” Hugh responds softly. “I get it. I think it’s a good idea. I couldn’t do this, but it’s great that you can.” Paul visibly relaxes, understanding. Hugh has shared some of his past with him, too. “I, um, I also apologize for snooping around.”

Paul crouches down beside him and puts a hand on his. “I told you, it’s fine. I don’t mind.”

Hugh smiles again. “Thank you.”

“I haven’t seen these in a while,” Paul comments, picking one of the photos out of the box and inspecting it. “Guess I didn’t feel a need to look at them.” He glances sideways at Hugh and grins, before leaning over and giving him a quick kiss.

While they’re looking at the photos in silence, Hugh gathers the courage to ask the question that’s been on his mind. “Paul? Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Looking at these, I noticed that… that all of your exes seem to be pretty tall.” Paul blinks, slightly surprised. “I was just wondering… if there’s any particular reason for that.”

Paul takes some time to respond, still pensively looking at the picture in his hand. It’s one of him and Eren, wearing silly hats at what looks like a New Year’s Eve party. “I guess I’ve always had a thing for tall guys. I don’t know how conscious it was, but… In hindsight, yeah. I guess I can see the pattern.”

Hugh tries to keep his tone light as he asks the real question; the one he dreads the answer to, even if just a little. “So what about me?”

Paul looks up at him, his face all open and warm now. He smiles. “I guess you cured me of that.”

“‘Cured’?” Hugh asks, puzzled.

Again, the answer takes a while. It seems that Paul is just finding this truth himself, like it’s always been there within him, but only now is he really starting to see it. “Looking back… I think I’ve always wanted to be in awe of my partner. Maybe it has to do with my parents, how I grew up. My dad always felt larger than life. I value people’s ability to amaze and surprise me, finding an intellect or a presence or an aura that manages to inspire me and shows me a direction I want to grow into myself. Quite literally something to look up to.” He sighs. “That’s probably not a healthy expectation.”

Hugh grins at him. “It certainly sounds like a challenge, trying to match an intellect like yours.”

Paul chuckles quietly, casting his gaze down. “True… But what I’m trying to say is, I guess this manifested in a desire to literally _look up_ to that person.” He blushes again and mutters, “Or something.”

Hugh is stunned silent by this depth of reflection in response to his rather silly, self-conscious question.

“So, to answer your question,” Paul continues and looks up into Hugh’s eyes again, with love and warmth. “When I met _you_… You were all that I’d been searching for, and so much more. You’re warm and kind. You inspire me every single day. You’re a genius, capable of more than keeping up with me and my weird old brain. You challenge me in all the best possible ways. And you love me, _so much_. And it made me realize that I don’t need to _look up_. I’ve finally found my happiness with someone who’s on eye level with me, literally. And it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced.”

Lost for words at this confession, all Hugh manages to do is stare at him, and marvel at the fact that this honest, fearless, sweet, brilliant man and him found each other.

“In other words,” Paul adds, grinning now, “if you were worrying about being too short for my taste or any other bullshit like that, then the answer is ‘no’.”

Hugh blinks, surprised. “You just saw right through me.”

“Always, honey.”

Paul leans in again and kisses him, slower this time.

Afterwards, Hugh asks, “Do you want to keep this box?”

Paul thinks on it for a moment before he nods and helps Hugh put everything back into it.

“You know,” Hugh muses after a while, “Now that I’m thinking about it, most of my exes were taller than me, too. But that was really just a coincidence, not a type thing.”

“So you’re not disappointed that I’m not?”

“On the contrary,” Hugh says cheerfully. “You are actually perfectly boyfriend-shaped the way you are.”

A soft smile spreads on Paul’s face and he moves to kiss Hugh once more, and this time he goes all in, with his whole body, shoving the box of exes aside unceremoniously.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you so much to everyone who leaves lovely and supportive comments on my fics! Even if I usually don't know how to adequately respond to them, please be assured that they make me super happy and brighten my day! <3


End file.
